Raising children is no easy task. Disciplining children is even harder and everyone screws up. Here are some discipline mistakes every parent should avoid.

Mistake # 1: Bribing or Using Rewards

“If you clean your room, I will buy you a new toy.” – sounds familiar? This is probably one of the most common discipline mistakes parents make. This strategy may work for a time, but after a while, your toddler will start misbehaving in order to get prizes. Do not bribe or offer a reward just to elicit a good behaviour from your child. Give rewards after a good deed is done.

Mistake # 2: Losing Your Temper 

It is not very easy to stay patient when toddlers do things that are not right. However, losing your patience will not get you anywhere. Plus, it will only show your toddler that the way to get attention is to misbehave, yell or cry. So the next time your toddler behaves badly, especially in public, try not to lose your cool. Count to ten. Breathe in and breathe out for a few minutes and then take both of your toddler’s hands in yours, look him straight in the eye and firmly say “You know that hitting is wrong. Violence is not good.”  The secret is not to humiliate or make your little one feel guilty, but to treat your child with respect.

Mistake # 3: Being Too Negative

There is nothing wrong with setting limits. Limits are good for everyone, especially for children. However, when parents constantly tell their children what to do and what not to do, children feel suffocated, causing them to rebel against the rules. Or when a toddler often hears his parents say “No”, the word loses its power. Instead of saying “Do not hit your brother!” say, “It is not good to hit your brother, you will only hurt him.” or instead of saying “No standing in the tub.”, say, “ We sit down in the tub because it is slippery.”. This way, you are telling your toddler how you want him to behave rather than dictating his every action.

Mistake # 4:  Modelling Behaviour You Do Not Want To See

When someone ignores you, you get mad. If you cannot get the washing machine to work, you yell. But, you get mad if your toddler reacts the same way when things do not go his way. Remember that toddlers mimic their parents. So the next time your child throws a tantrum, do not say “Shut up!”. Instead, get on his level, calmly tell him to stop and talk to him why throwing a tantrum is not good.

Mistake # 5: Praising Too Little

Affirmation is an influential approach for building self-worth. Give praise for a positive behaviour. When your little one helps out in setting the table, say “Honey, thank you for helping me prepare dinner. I am proud of you.” Knowing you appreciate his effort will motivate him to repeat the behaviour.

There is no manual for raising children. But, keeping these tips in mind can help you make your job easier.

Having a whiny toddler can be a nightmare. Thus, immediate action must be taken to correct this misbehaviour as early as possible. Follow these tips to help your toddler stop whining.

Stay Patient

It may be difficult to keep your composure when your toddler is whining unceasingly. But, if you react with anger or annoyance, you are only increasing your toddler’s bad behaviour. Count to ten, take a few deep breaths to relax yourself before you start talking to your toddler.

Identify The Triggers

What triggers whining? Generally, children whine when they are bored, weary or hungry. Give him plenty of activities that will keep him busy during the day. If your little one complains because he is tired, let him have a mid-morning nap and an afternoon nap. Offer light snacks a few hours before dinnertime. Knowing what sets off the behaviour will help you quickly soothe your toddler before his whining goes into overdrive.

Teach Your Toddler How To Ask

Too often, toddlers complain because they are still incapable of using the right words to express themselves. Teach your child how to ask courteously before he starts whining or teach him a hand signal or a secret word he can show or say to you each time he needs something. This will make him realize that there is a different way to ask aside from whining.

Be A Copycat

One effective technique to stop a toddler from whining is by imitating the action. Show your toddler what he looks like, what he sounds like each time he complains. Most likely, your toddler will find it strange and may tell you to stop. This will help him realize that his behaviour is not acceptable and will make him think twice about doing it again.

Talk To Your Toddler

Sometimes, toddlers have no idea they are whining. To make them aware of their misbehaviour, they need to be informed. Express your feelings. Talk to your toddler in a calm yet firm voice that you know he is hungry, but he should not whine. Tell your toddler that if he is hungry, all he has to do is to tell you and you will give him something to eat.

Ignore The Whining

When your toddler starts to whine, do your best not to acknowledge it no matter how irritating it may get. Tell your toddler you cannot hear him and that you will only listen to him if he quits whining and when he can speak to you in a polite manner. Once he realizes you are not affected by his whining, he will eventually stop.

Give Praise

Every time your toddler asks for something nicely, express your gratitude. Praise him for a job well done. Give him a slice of his favorite chocolate cake or allow him to drink soda during dinner. This is a good way to reinforce the positive behaviour. The more he knows you are pleased with him, the more motivated he will be to continue the behaviour. Remember, children like knowing that they have done well.

Stopping your toddler from whining does not just happen in a flash. It is a process, one that needs your continuous guidance, support and determination.

Saying the word “no” can be very difficult when disciplining children. Children hate hearing it, parents hate saying it, but, it is necessary. Here are some effective ways on how to discipline a toddler by saying no.

Set Limits

First and foremost, you have to set clear, firm limits. Limits are imperative for children because they teach them what to expect about reality and how to be responsible and considerate. Setting limits will help children stay out of trouble and know their boundaries so they can become better balanced as they grow up. Talk to your child about his limits and consequences to make him aware. This will help avert outbursts each time you say no.

Give Options

Toddlers are at a stage in their lives when they want to exercise their freedom. Instead of saying no completely, give your toddler a choice. For instance, if your little one is playing with water in your kitchen, try saying “You can play with water in the bathroom or in the garden instead.”. By giving him choices, you are able to find a suitable diversion and help your toddler feel like he has some control over the situation, erasing the feeling that he is being controlled.

Use Alternatives

The word “no” has some mysterious effect on children that when they hear it, they immediately start crying and shouting. Experts strongly suggest parents to use the word “no” scarcely (for dangerous situations). Using alternatives to tell your toddler “no” is a more effective approach and will less likely cause drama.

For instance, if your little one wants to eat chocolates before dinnertime, instead of saying “No, you cannot have chocolates.”, say “Yes, but after you have finished eating dinner.”. If he wants a new toy that is quite expensive, say “Let me think about it.” or “Yes, but you have to pay for it.”. This will motivate him to earn the money for it (e.g. paying him to do household chores). Or, if your toddler wants to play video games, say “Not today honey.” or “If you finish your homework first, you can play video games.”.

Distract Your Toddler

Toddlers get easily distracted. For example, if your toddler wants to play with a glass, give him a rattle instead. Or if he wants a robot that is way over your budget, show him a cheaper robot and tell him how strong that robot is. Once his attention is diverted, move away from the temptation.

Mean It

Never explain why you have to say no to your toddler. This will only confuse him or give him a chance to persuade you or throw a tantrum. When you say “no”, be firm about it – give him “the look” (make eye contact) and say “no” in an authoritative voice. End of story.

Say Yes

It is okay to say yes every now and then. This way, you are able to strike a balance between yes and no which is very essential in teaching your toddler that the real world is full of yeses and nos.

Do not just say “no” automatically, let your toddler reason out. If you agree with your toddler, then, say “yes.”. If you say “no”, he will not feel so bad because he knows you listened to him.

Raising children is never easy. It is probably the most difficult job anyone can have. Children will always push their parents’ buttons to test their limits and to see how much they can get away with. Thus, a discipline style must be implemented. Some parents prefer to spank their children. However, this form of punishment is never successful. Here are some reasons why you should not spank your child.

Encourages Violence

Hitting models hitting. Notice how toddlers copy every little gesture their parents make? Children love imitating their parents and they will naturally presume that hitting is an acceptable behaviour. As a result, they will become aggressive with their peers and use hitting as their only way to deal with conflict (e.g. whenever they do  not get what they want). Once they have grown accustomed to it, changing it is next to impossible.

Decreases Your Toddler’s Self-esteem

You are in the living room vacuuming the carpet, your toddler comes running in the room with a glass of milk in his hand and he accidentally trips and spills milk on the carpet. Because you are so mad, you slap him. Think spanking is okay? Think again. Spanking is distressing, it will make your toddler feel guilty, unloved, or worse, make him believe that he is such a disappointment which can negatively cause a major blow in his self-confidence. Because he is too scared to commit mistakes, he can grow into an individual who does not have the guts to stand up for himself for fear of being wrong which leads to more problems.

Strains Parent-Child Relationship

Every time you hit your child, it creates a gap between you and your toddler. It will teach your toddler to fight you and loathe you. As a result, he will distance himself from you and seek support and affection from his friends or from other people because your child feels he cannot trust you. There is also a big possibility that he will seek revenge or rebel during his adolescence, especially if he is with bad company.

Ineffective Method of Discipline

Using spanking as a mode of discipline becomes ineffective overtime. For instance, if you spank your toddler every so often, he will become immune to it. Since all he will see is your rage, the element of fear is no longer present and this will not make him think twice of his actions and make the behaviour worse because he already knows what to anticipate.

Devalues You

No parent ever felt happy after hitting their child. Spanking your toddler will only make you feel embarrassed, desperate and doubt your capability of being a good parent especially when spanking did not work.

Deciding on whether to spank or not to spank your toddler is entirely up to you and your partner. But, one thing is for sure – spanking does not work, it humiliates your child and will cause a lot of hostility from your toddler. Talk to your toddler and let him know how you feel. Use gentle yet firm words to get your message across, not your hands, a belt nor a stick.

Teaching self-control to children is very important for the development of skills they will need as they grow up, particularly when they start going to school. Here is a simple how-to guide that will help your toddler learn self-control.

Set Rules

Create simple rules which your toddler can understand clearly. Let him know that talking is the only method of communication and that biting, hitting, shouting and throwing tantrums will not be tolerated.

Explain The Consequences

Talk to your little one about the consequences of a bad behaviour. Keep your instructions brief and clear. He has to know what will happen if he loses control as this will help him learn how to manage his emotions.

Consequences can be as simple as giving him a household chore, time-out to withholding privileges (e.g. no TV for a day). As much as possible, do not spank or reprimand him. Physical and emotional violence will only make your toddler feel bad and worsen the behaviour.

Recognize

What pushes your toddler’s buttons? What is his daily routine? How is he around people? How does he play with other children? How does he react under pressure? What actions annoy him? By observing your toddler, you will be able to identify the triggers.

Sympathize

Once you know what sets him off, you can better empathize with his feelings. For instance, if your little one is upset because his playmate pushed him, let him know that you understand how sad, frustrated and angry he is. Encourage him to talk to you. Once he is done talking, give him a bear hug or rub his back to calm him down. Then, help him figure out what to do. This will make him identify his feelings, making it easier for you to train him to control himself.

Make Room For Mistakes

Often times, parents tend to make decisions for their children because they do not want them to stumble. But, children need to be independent. Allow your toddler to act on his own, face the consequences, be it positive or negative and learn from his mistakes. Just let things happen and stay on the byline so you can still guide him. By doing so, your toddler will learn to be confident yet careful with his actions.

Provide An Outlet

Help your toddler find a positive way he can redirect his negative feelings. He can draw, paint or play sports. Teach him calming techniques such as counting from 1 to 10 or taking deep breaths. This will help your little one in assessing the situation as well develop self-control.

Be A Role Model

Children learn by example. They imitate what they see their parents do. Rather than screaming because you accidentally spilled milk on the freshly vacuumed carpet, say “I am annoyed right now. I think I am just going to close my eyes and count to ten before I clean this up.”. By being calm and cautious of your words and actions, you show to your child that it is possible to control and recover from a stressful circumstance.

Although this is a challenging task, but if you are able to communicate well with your toddler, understand his needs and teach him how to handle difficult events maturely, teaching self-control will be very easy.

One of the biggest discipline issues parents have to face is back talk. While it is a normal part of child development, tolerating this kind of behaviour can result to major behaviour problems as children grow up. Here are some tips on how to deal with children who talk back.

Keep Your Calm

How you react to your toddler’s retorts can set the tone of your communication. Do not get into a power struggle or overreact to your toddler’s choice of words. Remember, children like pushing their parents’ buttons. So when your little one starts mouthing off, stay calm and do not respond in kind. Instead of saying “Do not use that tone to me you little brat.”, say, “I do not like the way you talk to me. I think there is a better way to say that.”.

Know The Reason Behind The Behaviour

You have to know precisely why your toddler is talking back to you. Is he irritable during lunchtime, in the middle of the afternoon or after playing physically demanding activities? This may be because he is hungry, sleepy or overstimulated. Maybe giving him a light snack before lunchtime, adjusting his naptime or taking some downtime after playtime can eliminate these triggers. Keep track of when back talks happen to prevent the behaviour from worsening.

Another reason why children talk back is because they lack attention. They will do anything to get an adults attention, even if it is negative. So the next time your toddler talks to you about something, do not just say “hmm…”. Stop whatever you are doing and listen to your little one. This way, you assure him that even if you are busy, you do not forget him. Moreover, take a look at what your toddler sees. Is he watching TV shows and commercials displaying a sassy attitude? It would be a good idea to supervise your toddler and screen TV programs.

Set Firm Rules

Make sure your toddler understands what is and is not okay to say. Be sure to stress the message that you will not listen to what he has to say unless he talks to you in a calm and respectful manner.

Give Consequences

If your toddler starts to talk back, give him a warning. You can say, “Honey, if you continue to disrespect me I will have to punish you.”. If he does not stop, grab your toddler’s hand and lead him to his timeout place. Have him sit down in an isolated room (make sure you still keep a close eye on him) for the entire period of the timeout. Withholding privileges (e.g. missing his favorite TV show, no video games and playing on the playground) is another consequence you can give.

Communicate

Talk to your toddler about his behaviour. Let him know that you care about his feelings but you also feel hurt each time he talks back. Acknowledge his emotions – “I understand you are frustrated.” (to show that you empathize with him ) and do not interrupt him while he is talking. This will teach him that you respect his opinion and that he can always talk to you about anything.

Practice What You Preach

Of course, in order to successfully adjust your toddler’s attitude, you have to adjust your attitude as well. If he sees you handle your own emotions in a calm and mature manner, he will follow you.

Give Praise

Each time he speaks to you in a polite tone, tell him how you like it when he talks to you that way. This way, you let your toddler realize that it is not just the negative behaviour you notice, but the positive as well.

Be firm and do not let yourself be affected each time he makes nasty comebacks. The calmer you are, the better you can teach your toddler to express himself in an acceptable way.

Honestly speaking, spoiling a child is easier than keeping him grounded. This is because most parents confuse love with happiness. However, a spoiled child will grow disobedient, insensitive and manipulative. Here are some ways to avoid raising a spoiled child.

Set Clear Limits

Set rules and be clear about it. For instance, if your toddler is only allowed to eat one scoop of ice cream, instead of saying “Okay, you can eat ice cream.” which makes your toddler think that he can ask for a second one, say “You can only have one scoop of ice cream.”.

Be Firm

When you set limits, make sure you adhere to it. When your toddler makes pleas so you will buy him a toy even if you just bought him one last week, do not comply. Do not feel obligated, guilty or think of yourself as a bad parent when your toddler cries or insists on something. Your toddler is only testing you to see if you will give in, and once you do, those limits will be useless. Being consistent with your rules makes your toddler realize that he will not always get everything he wants which will make him obey you.

Do Not Be Afraid To Disappoint

Yes, seeing your toddler cry is heartbreaking. But when it is for his own good, denial is perfectly okay. Giving your toddler whatever he wants is not a way of showing how much you love him. Doing this can be dangerous as this will only make him push his desires to the extent of violating your rules and discipline policies. Refusing to buy him a new toy will make him dislike you, but will that last for a day? No. Let him cry and scream. His frustration will be gone in no time.

Set Up A Reward System

Children who are handed things easily tend to take things for granted. Create a reward system for good behaviour and let him earn something little by little. For instance, if he wants a bike, tell him that you will only buy him one if he clears the dining table for a month. Or if he wants to watch TV, he has to put away his toys or finish his food first. This will make him understand that if he wants something or he wants to have fun, he has to work hard first.

Give Your Toddler Freedom

Freedom to handle his own struggles that is. Let your toddler make his own choices, weigh the pros and cons and work through manageable problems without helping him. Do not do for him what he can do for himself. If in case he makes a bad choice, do not reprimand him. Let him stew until he regains his composure and then talk to him. Help him process his feelings. It is okay to allow your toddler to be annoyed sometimes. This teaches your toddler to think on his own and to own up to his problems and come up with solutions to resolve them.

Focus On The Positive

Every time your toddler is doing good, commend him. Praising him each time he says please and thank you or for not crying because he cannot eat chips reinforces good behaviour which will make him more motivated to behave properly.

Raising a well-mannered child starts at home. With your love, support and firm discipline methods, your toddler will grow into an adult who is prepared for the real world.

While it may seem unimportant to teach toddlers the value of money, bear in mind that in this modern time, children are becoming more aware of money matters. Thus, it is very crucial to start educating them at an early age. Here are some tried and tested tips on how to teach children about money.

Talk To Your Toddler

As soon as your toddler can count, introduce him to money – what it is, how it works and why it is important. Your toddler has to know that there is a cost involved in what you are buying for him. Otherwise, he may just think that you never ran out of money or that if he breaks his toy, you can just buy him a new one. Just keep the conversation brief and causal, say, over dinner, while you are grocery shopping or withdrawing money from the ATM. The earlier you teach your child the value of money, the better he will understand its significance.

Take Your Toddler Shopping

Reinforce this lesson through exposure. Take your little one with you whenever you shop. When you are in a grocery or department store, talk about how much money something costs. Teach him to look at prices and to weigh things. For instance, you can say “If I buy this dress, I will not be able to buy food. Food is more important than the dress, so I will have to skip the dress.” This teaches your toddler that not everything he likes, he can get in a whim even if he can afford it.

Give Him Allowance

Provide an age-appropriate allowance for your toddler. You can give it to him on a weekly basis. A 4-year old can get $2 each week. Encourage him to set aside a portion of his allowance for savings. In case he wants to buy a robot that costs $10 yet he only has $2, do not buy it for him. Tell him to save his allowance so he can go back and purchase the robot. This teaches your toddler the value of saving and hard work.

Open A Savings Account

As your little one gets older, consider opening a bank account for him. Most banks have a special kids’ program complete with educational materials and online activities or special incentives when a specific monetary goal is reached to encourage children to save money. This activity helps your toddler comprehend how banks work and the value of regular, planned savings.

Encourage Him To Make Money

Let your toddler take on small jobs like sweeping the floor, picking up the leaves in your backyard or folding the laundry. Create a chart and stick it on the wall so he can see his progress. For instance, if he completes seven days of his “small task”, give him a dollar. Or why not encourage him to start his own business, like putting up a lemonade stand during summer or selling his outgrown toys at a garage sale. You can do it together or ask his older sibling to help him out. The older one is in charge of the money while he will be the assistant. Earning money gives children a sense of pride.

Volunteer

Another way to teach toddlers the value of money is by teaching them to give. Do it as a family. Shop for food together and deliver it to your local center. Help him sort out his clothes and donate the items to homeless shelters. Doing this makes your toddler realize that money is not limitless, some people are in dire need of it and the more fortunate ones can help those with less.

Most importantly, be a role model. There is no better way to teach your toddler the value of money by practicing the values you want to instil in him.

Parenting is very crucial to a toddler’s development since this is what structures children. There are four different types of parenting styles. Get to know each of them and their effects on children.

Authoritarian Parenting Style

More known as the giving orders parenting style, authoritarian parenting means that parents demand a lot from their children, set high standards and expectations that are accompanied by a lot of rules and limitations. Authoritarian parents require their toddlers to be compliant and disciplined at all times. They are also very critical and hostile to a toddler’s needs.

Effects

Toddlers raised through an authoritarian parenting style tend to be responsible and industrious yet at risk of a nervous breakdown, a result of their perfectionist personality. However, they appear insecure and have low self-esteem which results to weak social skills. In addition, toddlers are often dejected, impatient and react bitterly when angry due to their parent’s lack of emotional support. The children of dictatorial parents are also more likely to rebel in adolescence because they were not given the freedom to make their own choices.

Authoritative Parenting Style

Known as the democratic parenting style, parents with this parenting style have a lot of expectations from their children but at the same time, they are also very sympathetic to the needs of their offspring. Authoritative parents set and impose suitable limits to their toddlers.

Effects

Studies have proven that toddlers exposed to this type of parenting are well-adjusted. They thrive both in academics and extra-curricular activities, have high self-esteem and exceptional social skills. Also, they are more independent, supportive, disciplined and have less behavioural issues. Children raised by authoritative parents also have better relationships with their parents.

Permissive Parenting Style

In permissive parenting, parents set very few rules and demand very little from their children and are often very indulging – providing their children with everything they need. Very busy parents often raise their toddlers like this, they supply whatever their children needs, whenever they need it to compensate for the parents absence.

Effects

Toddlers raised by indulging parents are often spoiled, with a notion that they can get whatever they want just because they want it regardless of what the consequences may be. They grow up immature, reliant, disobedient, reckless, selfish and with an inclination to rebel. These children dislike responsibilities and have poor school performance. On the positive side, these children have excellent social skills and feel less depressed (since they are surrounded by friends).

Uninvolved Parenting Style

Also called permissive-indifferent parenting or neglectful parenting, parents with this type of parenting neither expect anything from their offspring nor respond to their children’s needs. Parents are dismissive to their children. They are generally uninvolved in their toddler’s life but will provide for the child’s basic needs such as food and shelter.

Effects

Neglectful parenting has the most damaging effects on toddlers. Children raised this way are violent, rebellious, have poor social skills and performance in school and are most likely to suffer from depression.

Whatever your parenting style is, everything you do will affect your toddler. Thus, it is very important that you love your toddler and raise him in the best way you know so you can mold him into a bright, happy and successful individual.

The time-out method is a popular discipline style used by parents. However, some people find that time-outs do not work. The following are some techniques that might be helpful for you.

Provide A Distraction

Toddlers are very curious and experimental by nature and that may be the cause of their mischief. If your toddler still ignores you after you gave him a time-out, then do not waste your time and energy giving him a second round. Instead, use a diversion to redirect your little one to a more productive activity. For instance, if he continues to color on the table, you can either give him lots of paper and crayons or cover the table with paper so he can still color on the table. If he likes pulling your pet dog’s tail, channel his interest in a stuffed dog instead.

Give Extra Chores

You can assign additional household chores for your toddler to accomplish. The secret is to give your little one chores that are unappealing. List down at least 3 unappealing tasks (e.g. sweeping the floor, folding laundry or placing toys back into their correct containers) and post it where he can see it. For example, if your toddler hits or throws things on the floor because he is mad, send him to his bedroom and let him return the toys he threw. Having to do tasks he does not like will most likely keep him in line.

Withhold Privileges

Find out what things and what activities your toddler likes the most – chocolates, a toy, watching TV, playing outside, playing video games, etc. and take it away from him once he behaves badly. Doing this helps your toddler understand cause and effect - if he does a certain action, there will be a consequence. But, do not remove privileges too long. One day is enough for a toddler to understand that if he misbehaves, something will be removed.

Give Warnings

Warning is another effective way to discipline a toddler before giving consequences. Give your toddler 3 warnings. If he starts kicking, just say “That’s one”, the second time “Two”, the third time “Three” and then implement the consequence. Or, you can place 5 stickers on a sheet of paper and stick it to the refrigerator. When your toddler is unruly, remove one sticker. Once all five stickers are gone, remove one of his privileges. He will not withstand losing a sticker, making this a very powerful technique.

Remove Your Toddler From The Situation

Toddlers being very young, have trouble controlling their emotions. Even adults have difficulty calming down during stressful circumstances. The best thing you can do is to remove your toddler from the scene. Take a walk together or sit down and talk it out. Do not lecture your child, just say something like “Mommy loves you very much honey, but it is not right to yell at someone.”.

Allow Your Toddler To Make Mistakes

The saying “Experience is the best teacher” is very true. Your toddler will not learn good manners if you keep on telling him what he can and cannot do. Allow your toddler to work through it. For instance, if he insists on tossing cereal off the table even after you have warned him, then let him. He will soon realize that because he played with his food, he has nothing left to eat and chances are, he will not repeat the deed.

If time-outs do not work for your toddler, do not force it. Disciplining children is like choosing clothes – you have to try different options before you find one that fits to a T.